My Sister…

Do not arouse or awaken love before it’s time…
Like anything that is not ready, it will be premature –
Raw, struggling for air, barely surviving, always hurting.

Refrain from creating a whole life with someone in your mind before ya’ll even exchange hello…
Because before you know it, it’ll be a no – and good bye, good riddance ’cause time flies when you’re blinded by the love hearts in your eyes,
With a guy who has expired pick up lines like “Are you a ticket on my dash? ‘Cause you are FOOOINE…”

Girl, cut it off…
And stop making excuses for a relationship that isn’t bearing any good fruit,
Just you – reaping sour lemons & sweet nothings, oblivious to the worm swimming in his apple until you take a bite,
But at that time it would’ve been too late ’cause the feelings have taken flight…
But you ain’t concerned ’cause Mr Mista is a mighty fine sight, with the height, the chiseled jaw & baggy jeans, tight-fitted shirt that shows he keeps the muscles lean…

My Sister, believe me I know how it is…
To finally have someone that ticks all the boxes,
Of the list that YOU made that only highlights his appearance and outer shade,
But truly I tell you – you bought the version that was prepaid,
but under-delivered and underplayed,
It’s a masquerade of who he is, ’cause outward appearance and beauty fades with old age..
And even you know that – so why?
I’ve been that girl too many times to let it slide,
To let him slide into your DM’s with the “hey stranger” messages, that are subliminal notifications to appease his boredom.
Too many times,
To let you exchange your heart for a disease that never leaves just produces heartache and grief,
Too many times,
Have you cried because you’re disappointed, and hurt & full of regret because you gave your all to someone who was only willing to sacrifice small, or not-at-all,
Too many times,
Of abuse, and being reminded of your past shame, your old name yet you ain’t the same – you’ve changed,
Too many times,
Of rude awakenings like the rooster that crows early in the morning but at least it knows it’s time to wake up…
My sister, you can come to the TOMB ANYTIME…

And you will see that it is empty,
Which means the Master was crucified & he died & for you he wept, HE
bought you at a great price when he made the perfect sacrifice, HE
Nailed your shame to the Cross & gave you a new name, HE
Has never spoken a negative thing about you just sung sweet melodies, HE
Has counted your every tear & has showered you with a new identity, HE
Loves you & you are His bride, He died for His wife, HE
Calls you beautiful & and has come to set you FREE, HE
Will always be, always THE, Prince of Peace, ever-after, happily.

My Sister,
Come & drink at the well of thirst-no-more,
Come & eat at the table of hunger-satisfied.
Come & see the beautiful eulogy of the empty tomb anytime,
Come & bathe in the fountain where He calls you “Mine”.
Come & drink at the well of thirst-no more,
Come & eat at the table of hunger-satisfied.

Praise YHWH xx

My Valentine

It’s not about having too-high-to-reach standards,
Or cut the excuses, maybe it is.
But who of you would eat a lolly un-wrapped, spit out on the ground, sketched with dust & dirt?
It’s about a woman knowing her value, her worth & the high price that was paid to purchase her,
It’s also about knowing your worth my brother, and how much you are adorned & adored and how death was raised to Life for you, too…
It’s about knowing you are a Prince in the eyes of a Perfect King,
And how we cannot play around with hearts, or allow even a hint of that…
It’s about letting the Author tell His love story and hoping you can grasp the narrative, or the Narrator…
It’s about the past, and asking in light of all that has happened – Is it even wise?
To say you ain’t gonna let that happen, or we’re gonna fight for Purity, or you would never go there and before you know it, the excuses change –
Loose, like copper coins that fell beneath the seat…
“We couldn’t help ourselves”, “It was about that time…”, “It felt right…”
A little here, a little there & before you know it you’re already there – too late ‘cause it was “fate” huh?
It’s about guarding your heart, for truly everything you do flows from it –
The good, the bad and ugly.

We should want that pursuit,
That dying to yourself to let somebody else live,
We should want to be washed with the Word instead of gratifying the desires of our flesh,
We should want that washing of our feet,
Heck, even with the best of perfumes,
We need that immersion into the depths of no-more & raise me to life,
We should desire that touch on the coat to get a hint of His power and be made “well”
We should be on that living water never to thirst again drink,
Get yourself that selfless, un-ashamed, jealous & fierce kind of love,
That can lead spiritually, ‘cause everybody else mental, emotional and physical on lock.

Had enough of Jay Z & Queen B –
I’m on some Jesus & His Bride-the-Church type of “shhhhhh”
But I guess that’s taboo around here huh…

Happy Valentines Day.

 

Nothing but love fam,

Pili x

My Brother…

What do you understand about a woman?
How do you define love?
What is the drive behind your intentions when it comes to a woman’s feelings?
Do you understand the expression “Handle with care?”
Or do those words disappear into thin air when you hear…
Is the language we speak so foreign that you get lost in translation?
You see, I’m trying to decipher your motivation…
As to why you leave us without any explanation.
Give me an answer, and don’t send me to your voicemail
Because I have had enough of pitiful excuses & sorrys’ you missed my calls
When I was trying to reach you, but you did not return my grasp,
So I gasp. I gasp at how fast it was that we would last and I would see you in my past.

They say love is blind, but maybe that is because you are blocking my view of the real “you”.
The “you” that I don’t have to find, because you are already pursuing with time, truly seeing the dime that lies within the truth of who I am.

I am Miss-Understood.
I am flaws and imperfections.
I am a million different pieces of a puzzle that can never be completed because it would take up too much of your time.
I am your worst nightmare that you can’t escape until you wake up and realise that it was all a dream.
I am the waves crashing over the sand with tears, call the tide in because I’m about to be “shore” (sure), that they will keep flowing some more.
I am a product of divorce, because those marriage vows were spoken with empty promises that only guaranteed separation.
I am a victim of Uncle Bully, growing richer with every penny slipped under my pillow each time I was a quick-fix.
I am the one who calls you “bro” because I got my walls up guarding my heart that has been broken into and stolen, without a refund or replacement: labelled “damaged goods, discard”.

Embrace me. But do not mistaken me.

I may be these things but keep in mind that this box says “Handle with care” because what’s inside is very rare
You will not find another me amongst all these other “hers”, we cannot make it to we if you are stuck in all these “were’s”…
Keep in mind that a million different pieces of a puzzle make up a masterpiece…
I am the Master’s Piece, so I keep calm and know that if I am not loved by you,
I have a love that is true. A love that says Jesus died for me too.

Embrace me. But do not mistaken me.

“I AM WHO I AM” (Exodus 3:14) – Do you understand?

COME TO ME & I WILL GIVE YOU REST

“Come to me, all you who are weary & burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you & learn from me, for I am gentle & humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy & my burden is light.”

GOD IS REAL.

That is all I can say after what has been such an eventful few months.  Trying to juggle every single area of my life – God, family, friends, church, study & now exams – has been a struggle and a fight.  I have been feeling physically & emotionally stretched, spiritually defeated.  I say every single area of my life, but I also mean trying to juggle that along with what goes on in my personal life, mainly – my thought life.

It’s been a fight.  Old wounds have opened up, festering.  I try living a life with Christ, and my past catches up with me.  The addictions I once had victory over, I lost.  The words “Are you really over …?” open up a million different doors that I thought I had forgiven & closed a long time ago.  So, I find myself willingly opening up closed doors, missing my past & certain people I know I shouldn’t be, stalking social media profiles only to see how much better they are doing without me.  Pondering about the “what was” & “what ifs” and “what could have been” …And at the end of it all, I am back where I started, broken.

When I find myself missing & wanting the old, and when the fight of my flesh is so hard that I give in to it – that is when I know I’ve forgotten the heart of the Gospel.  Or, maybe it just truly never sunk deep into the depths of my being.  The “old” wounds that have come up, maybe I never really surrendered it to God – I didn’t give him that part because deep down I had secretly wanted to keep it because I still had hope that one day, maybe God would make things right & I’d eventually get my “happily ever after”.  In reality, it only means I never truly let go.  I never truly forgave the hurts of the past & the people and I never truly forgave myself.  And so, the danger of this is that I am wallowing in my own self-pity & lying in a pool of grief & regret and shame.  I find myself being in the same state I was, broken and yet, the people of my past have happily moved on & the situations of my past are long gone.

Why?  Simple.  Sin has pain, and consequences.  The hurts of my past came because I made those things, those people my god.  It eventually formed unhealthy soul-ties (a soul-tie is a tying of two souls in the spiritual realm), and now there has been a ripping in the emotions by the loss of that thing or person or god.  These soul-ties can only be broken by sincere fasting & praying & repenting.  I’ve realised that, because I still missed my past & the people in it & what I used to do – I never truly was sorry for it, thus I never truly repented.

And this is where God comes in & saves the day, again!  Bringing me to my knees in repentance, my hands lifted up in worship.  Taking my heavy burdens & giving my soul rest.  He gave me rest & peace, joy for my mourning.  Long story short – I can’t ever expect that a created being will satisfy me better over a Creator.  People can love you so much that they would do anything for you, would die for you – But could they resurrect to life again?  Could they die for a purpose other than dying for your sake, like redeeming you from sin?   The answer is self-explanatory.  The power of God is incomparable & his undying love for me will never run dry, but is always overflowing.  Always consuming like a fire, always refining me – pruning me & making me perfect.

Grace is when God gives people what they do not deserve.  Mercy is when God doesn’t give people what they do deserve.  Grace & Mercy are able to operate because of Christ’s work on the cross – Christ died for my addictions, He died for my past, my past hurts, He died for all the times I willingly sinned & willingly nullified my purity, He died for me.  And He rose again!  Victorious, conquering death & conquering sin.

Thank God for revelations!!!!

 

Bless fam,  Pili xx

 

Elastic Heart

THEONLYONE

Ladies, do not look to a man to do what only Christ can.
Ironic, because even I question that – could he really?
I was looking for love, could Christ really love me?
Physical & intimate love, could he provide that?
Emotional & spiritual feelz, could he guarantee that?
I was tired of having a serial past, could Christ really be “the One”?

Sisters, again I plead, do not look to a man to do what only Christ can.
The truth to that statement only hit me after a few heartbreaks & eventually a deep wound in my heart, a never-ending river of tears, a nullified purity and countless times pleading with God to have that one person back, and each time God’s answer did not change: No.

My dear, do not look to mere man to do what only God can – God, who fearfully and wonderfully made you, who knitted you in your mother’s womb and appointed you at the perfect time to enter this world at the time you did, who created you, and just as a creator of something created – knows his creation better than anyone else, alas, He knows you better than you know yourself.

You see, I fell in love.  And, as far as my memory recalls, I have had a deep, deep desire to be loved, to be cherished, and to be wanted.  I have wanted to be important to someone, I have wanted for someone to need me and call on me.  There was indeed a deep hole within my heart that needed to be filled with something or someone.  I said, I fell in love – At the young age I was, I was tired of being someone’s quick fix, someone’s side piece, someone’s ‘oh-she’s-just-a-friend’.  And he, he came at such an unexpected time & swept me off my feet with his tall, dark and handsome-ness & his love for church on Sunday’s was a bonus. Yes, he was perfect & I was in love.

But in-love became infatuation when I just couldn’t get enough. Like a drug the more of him I had, the more I needed. The closer we got, every second I was away from him literally had me weak & detached from everything else. His physicality, masculinity & mastery was what captivated this frail, vulnerable & submissive being. The more we exchanged premature vows, the more expectations I had of him becoming a husband, when I only desired to be a bride and not a wife. I was so infatuated, & so caught up in him that if I lost myself, I wouldn’t care because I was found in him, or founded on him. He was my forever, my ever-lasting, my one & only, the key to my heart, throw it away & never to be found. I was infatuated with the thought of him always being by my side, and him always giving me a reason to love him, a reason to serve him, a reason to worship him. Yes, I was infatuated with this human being whom I made my idol & my god.

Him. I knew he was an idol because once he left me, it took away my desire to live. I died inside and become an empty shell. Masquerading behind sorrowful tears and grief-stricken depression. For real. I was hurt & my heart had been ripped out of its place. When the world said love is blind, it actually was because I couldn’t see anything else, but him.

You see, this is why I plead with you sister… Not to look to a man to do what only Jesus can. Not to look to human beings for justification, as if we are something now we have them because it will eat us alive. I have tasted & I have seen what it looks like to idolize a human being & have too high expectations of him loving you in only a way that Jesus can. Because only Jesus can love the most inner soles of your being & ignite a fire within your body, only Jesus can see through your battered soul & still call you beautiful, only Jesus can wholly fill your spirit as unto the Father did he commit His before He took His last breath for you. Only Jesus can take those wasted days and wasted nights & give you new mercies. Only Jesus was there each time your tears fell waiting for that man to come through, catching each of your tears & singing you sweet melodies. Only Jesus can truly heal your heart & restore what the enemy came to destroy. Only Jesus can take those empty promises & become the Word made flesh. Only Jesus can truly fill that void that you have been trying to fill with that one person because He created you & only He truly understands you, thus, only Jesus can love you with an everlasting love. Only Jesus can satisfy that deep deep thirst that you have sought after in so many things only to find that you have been drinking from a dry well..

ONLY JESUS. Only Jesus…

And you shall have no other gods before Him. Idols… Idols will always break your heart. They are counterfeit Gods that cannot bear the freight of your deepest hopes, or the weight of your souls deepest longings & when measured against perfection, they cannot even come close. The only One who can satisfy your heart is the One who made it & that is Jesus, only Jesus.

 

I am Forgiven & Redeemed

  Ephesians 1:7 – In Him I have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace…

I was reminded of the surety of this as I was looking for a cool quote to put up on my wall. As I admired the finished work, it no longer posed as art & creativity but beautiful truth: If I am in Christ, I am forgiven and I am redeemed.

I AM FORGIVEN. “FORGIVEN” as in:

God has removed & forgotten my sins as far as the east is from the west, that I will no longer suffer the eternal wrath of God but that He, in all his mercy, grace & love, has wiped my slate clean & has chosen to restore the relationship between Him & I for forevermore. That He no longer sees me in light of my sins but chooses to overlook them & that He sees Jesus’ righteousness for me & I no longer stand condemned. That I am pure and holy in His eyes, beautiful, worth His best and His, and He cannot find any flaw or imperfection in me. That my debt has been cancelled & paid for by Him. Truly depicting love as He paid the ultimate price & offered the perfect sacrifice that only He could, thinking of “me” as He was accused, as He was beaten & beaten unrecognizable, as He was scourged & flogged, His skin hanging off, carrying the weight of a cross too heavy for Him, heavy with my sin, yet He didn’t see it as a burden but limitless love, & knowingly walking towards what would be His death, as His clothes were being divided and won with dice, as He was crucified for me.  He thought of me, I was on His mind. Forgiving my sins, past, present & future so the priest doesn’t have to keep sacrificing animals every year, but Christ dying once & for all – was enough. Even He said it – “IT IS FINISHED”. It is His scarlet blood that purifies me white as snow, from who I used to be & who the world wants me to be.  His love that is to die for, His mercy on me- someone so undeserving of His precious & perfect & sinless life, His grace & His TRUTH – of which is immeasurable & utterly undeniable.  I am forgiven!

I AM REDEEMED. “REDEEMED” as in:

God bought me back.  If I am redeemed, then God has purchased my freedom & has redeemed me from myself, freed me from bondage, saved me from the evil that lurks within my heart & my desires, broken the chains that enslaved me to this world. I am redeemed from the curse of the law because when measured against perfection I will never win. I was bought at a price! This God, who created me, who made me, who fearfully and wonderfully formed me in His image, had to buy back what he owned. Just like in the story of Hosea & Gomer – I AM GOMER, like a prostitute I kept pursuing what was detrimental to my spirit, I kept satisfying my flesh that I knew would soon wither away, I kept trying to flatter others with beauty that I knew would soon fade with old age, I kept running from what was good for me & seeking selfish gain – YET HOSEA WHO CHARACTERISES JESUS, came after me & bought me back.  YES – He paid to purchase me back because I am His bride, I am the CHURCH, whom belonged to Him, what was rightfully His He pursued & bought her back.  WHY? I ran away, I wanted things my way, so if I kept running from you, why wouldn’t you let me go? What was it that you saw in me that kept you coming back? Redeeming love. It is Christ’s redemption that I stand here justified despite all past shame & guilt, His redemption that results in my freedom from slavery to sin & its eternal consequences.  I am redeemed!

Wow. This is an immeasurable picture of love – redeeming love. What a mighty God I serve! I stand amazed & completely in awe of You, Lord. Who am I that You are mindful of me?  I am brought again to the realisation that I cannot save myself, that I can never measure up to perfection but am in need of a perfect God who alone can perfectly forgive, redeem, save & love.  Jesus – God in the flesh died for me. He has forgiven me of every sin that I have committed & will commit, of every sin that still lurks within & that I have yet to repent of, of every sin that I still struggle with. He has redeemed me from the curse of the law that I would die trying to fulfill & became a curse Himself. He sees me as justified, righteous, pure. That I am beautiful & worth pursuing because He calls me His own. He says “You are mine & I see no flaw in you”.

Praise Yahweh, xx